My real life version of Planes, Trains and Automobiles...

It's almost time to make my annual trip back to Dayton for the holidays.  I actually kind of enjoy flying.  Airports make for great people watching and I kind of enjoy the adventure... except for last year.  Here's the email I sent a few co-workers once I finally made it home - the subject of the email was the same as the title for this post...

So, my flight plan was to leave Denver on my 11:30 flight to Minneapolis, then take my connecting flight to Dayton and be home by 6:30 Ohio time… it’s now 1am as I’m writing this, and I’ve been home for only 45 minutes. Needless to say, don’t miss a flight during Christmas… (sorry this is long, but it’s all true!)

So my day starts by getting up 15 minutes after I was suppose to leave for the airport. Not good. Shower, shave, dress, finish packing, lock up, out the door 15 minutes later. 10 o’clock…

Drive as fast as I can, park, run to the Northwest ticket counter…10:50… “Sorry, you’ve missed your flight. You need to check in 45 minutes before departure.” “But I’m only 5 minutes late” “Sorry. All I can do is print your boarding pass and you’ll have to go down to United and see if they can get you on a standby” Fine. Grab the tickets and run down to United.

The line for United literally wrapped around the backside of the ticket counters through the middle part of DIA, then back to the front and out the door into the parking garage. There’s no way I’m going to wait in a line like that just to find out if I can even try to get on a flight. So I go to the line for international flights and only have to wait 5 minutes.

“Hi. Northwest told me to give you this and see if you can get me to Dayton on standby” “Sure, I can get you on the standby list for flight xxx which will get you to Chicago, then you can get on the standby list for flight yyy to Dayton. I just need to check your bag” “What if I don’t get on these flights” “Well, your bag will be in Dayton at 6, with or without you” Fine. Grab the new tickets and run to gate B31.

“Hi, I’m suppose to be on the standby list for this flight” “Sorry, you missed it. The best I can do is get you on the standby list for the next flight to O’Hare” Fine. “OK, go to gate B44” So I run down the concourse to that line.

“Hi, I’m suppose to be on the standby list for this flight” “Have a seat. It’s sold out and there are 10 others waiting for standby, but you might make it.” Fine. I wait for 30 minutes and after they go through all 10 other people, then finally call me. “You’re the lucky one who gets the First Class seat” Awesome… at least I’ll get to Chicago.

Best flight ever! Free meal, recliner chair with a footrest, my own TV. That was the best part of the day.

I land in Chicago and go to the United Customer Service counter. “Hi, I’m suppose to get on the standby list for flight yyy” “Sorry, you missed it" “OK, can you get me to Dayton, Cincinnati or Columbus at any point today.” “Hmmm, the last flight to Dayton is over booked so you won’t get on that flight. Columbus is sold out, but I do have one seat to Cincinnati leaving at 5:55… but I can’t put you on that flight since your Northwest ticket says your going to Dayton.” “Ok, what do I do now?” “Go down that way and down the hallway on your left to gate E9. That’s a Northwest gate. Have them change your destination to Cincinnati then have them put you on the United flight” Fine.

Now if you’ve never been in O’Hare, just down there means at least a 10 minute walk through one of the busiest airports in the world. But I finally make it to the gate, and no one is there. Fine. I find the nearest NW gate with an agent. “I’ll be with you in a minute” Ok… 10 minutes later “Did you have a question?” I go through my story. “OK, I can’t help you. You’ll have to go to the NW ticket counter. It’s just down the hall past security” After another 10 minute walk I arrive at the NW ticket counter.

Go through the story again. “Oh, I can’t help you. We don't even fly to Cincinnati or Columbus and since you flew here on United you’re their problem.  Your not a NW passenger anymore so I can't do anything for you.” Fine. “How do I get to their ticket counter” “Just go through those doors, outside and walk to Terminal 1” Fine. Outside in Chicago in mid December. It wasn’t warm.

The line at United was about the same size as Denver's, so I grab the nearest United person, go through my story again and they point me to the shortest line they can find. Another 10 minute wait. Go through the story again.

“I can’t put you on any flights since your ticket says your suppose to fly from Minneapolis to Dayton on NW” “Yes it does… but I flew here on United, my bags are going to Dayton on United and NW won’t help me anymore.” “Hmm, I don’t know what I can do. Let me check with someone” 15 minutes later “Since your ticket says your suppose to be in Minneapolis I can’t do anything for you” “OK, obviously I'm not in Minneapolis.  I'm in Chicago and your airline flew me here.  I need to get on a standby flight to Dayton, Columbus or Cincinnati.” "But your ticket doesn't say Chicago to Dayton, it says Minneapolis to Dayton." "Yes it does" “Hmm, let me check with someone” another 15 minutes. “All I can do is put you on standby for Dayton, but that flight is over sold you won’t get on it” Fine. “Where do I rent a fucking car” “Downstairs”

“Hi. I would like to rent a car and drive it to Dayton” “No problem” YES finally I found a way home. Fill out the papers, ride the bus to the car and start on my way. 5:15 Chicago time. Ahhh, nothing like Chicago rush hour traffic. It's a good thing I've made this drive almost every Christmas since I was 16 when my dad forced me to learn how to drive in real rush hour traffic (we use to drive from Ohio to Wisconsin twice a year).

So finally after a 6 hour drive, I get to the Dayton airport at 11:30pm. At least my bag made the flight. Worst travel experience ever. I had to pay another $160 on top of my flight price just to make it home and had to deal with person after person who were just plain rude. Somehow I got use to the phrase “I can’t help you”.

And some of you wonder why I hate the holidays…

Anyway, Happy Holidays!

- NickH

To make things worse, NW canceled the rest of my itinerary and wouldn't reinstate it over the phone.  So I had to drive back out to the Dayton airport and have them reinstate it at the ticket counter.

Then on my drive home from DIA, my alternator went out leaving me drifting powerless down I-70.  A tow and a two hour wait later, I got that fixed as well.

Can't wait to see what this year brings...